Sunday, August 31, 2008

rarr. i feel so weak and fragile nowadays.

like how sitting on this chair and staring at this comp for too long makes my back hurts. like how my knees cant take stairs and so i struggle up like at least 5 times a day in camp. and how i thought i could run but i couldnt. how i seem to be getting headaches more and more often. the fever came and went. the cough and the flu is still here. my tummy had a major clearout this morning. blah. i feel sickly man.

maybe this was the whole psychological thing that evans was talking about when u start to down pes for ur injuries. u create that sort of mental block to add to the injury that makes u feel so dam disabled. i miss being active and i miss soccer. then again. field camp cant be that bad. survivor camp wasnt bad. tekong and SIT TEST were gruelling but they were alright. maybe i shouldnt have pushed for an OOC despite my injuries. maybe i shud have endured. maybe i shud have put on a different mentality from the start of ns. i blame myself sometimes when i think about it. i hate limiting myself. but i did. it was my choice. but guess wad. u influenced it. could u imagine how u would feel if i had to go for exercise hotcakes, exercise cub, exercise bear, cresendo, LMW Field Camp, CEC Field Camp and the list goes on... i made my choices with u in mind. have u ever made yours thinking about me.

mistakes and more mistakes. i ll try not to look back. but i know that armskote has my 100 percent. even if it means extra weekend duties. the real nicholas tan shall hide no more. the real nicholas tan shall limit himself no more...

|cowpoo| 9:13 AM|

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